Tuesday, December 21, 2010

If I say its a victory, then its a victory by crackie.

Ok, so I haven't actually been sticking to my calorie daily limit thing these past few days.
I haven't been meticulously counting calories, telling myself what I can and can't have, etc.


1) I haven't had a single sugar-ladened pop since that first infamous visit to Taco Bell that started this whole thing.

2) I've only had 1-2 glasses of something remotely sugar-ey per day since my last post. The better part of the day, I've been drinking water.

3) I've been calling it quits on meals before my tummy screams "No More!!" (This means I've made myself stop at firsts.)

And ya know what? I'm feeling better about myself. I haven't actually weighed or measured myself at all (considering I still don't have the scientific tools necessary to do that) BUT I feel thinner. Regardless of whether or not its true.

And that is a step in the right direction. I think. And before people start saying "Well, you're just excusing yourself" and anything similar, please feel free to read the title of this post.

(And I promise, I'll try to do better today.)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Well. It could have been worse.

It could have been worse considering our Youth group hosted their own Christmas Dinner/Party and brought lots and lots of high calorie dishes, sides, and desserts. I could have hauled off, downed two plate-fulls of food without inhibition, and went home full, sad, and bloated.

But I didn't. Even though I tried a little bit of everything, I kept the portions small, had one plate of food, two handfulls of tortilla chips and dip, and then I was done.

So in the grand spectrum of calorie counting, yeah, I probably went over my limit and failed considerably.

But the fact that I didn't deliberately overeat, the fact I stopped after one plate. Well, I'm counting that as a victory. Even if it is just a moral victory.

After the long clean-up, we finally left the church about 10pm. Since we had to get gas anyway, Daniel drove us to Quick Trip. While he was pumping, I thought I would celebrate my moral victory by buying a 12oz bottle of diet Cherry Pepsi. Which in and of itself is probably not good for me, but with zero calories, it was the perfect treat. A calorie-free trophy, if you will.

Long story short, after downing that, I had issues falling asleep due to night-time anxiety/paranoia. Now that I think about it, maybe that night-time cherry trophy had something to do with it. Nothing like a cherry buzz to make you think every creak of the house is someone slowly shuffling their feet across the floor.

 At any rate, I'm up, tired, but holding my head a little higher.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Another failed night, another tired morning.

Even though I've had 9 hours of sleep altogether, my head is still heavy and disposition remains "I'm ok. Tired, but ok." And I'm starting to figure out why.

Everything yesterday was going so well. No pop, and I was keeping within my caloric limits..until dinnertime.

For Daniel, I made steak and mashed potatoes. For Brennan and myself, I made baked Tilapia filets and boiled green beans (the good frozen kind).

Everything was going great until...I mashed the potatoes. Oh the smell. Nothing like fresh, creamy, homemade mashed potatoes, made with whole milk, butter, and love.

Two servings of my fatty fiend later, and I'm writhing in guilt, trying to find some way to excuse it or make it better.

"Well, the article DID say to start the first two weeks just avoiding sweetened drinks, so you're fine, old gal."

Bull hockey, self.

There must be some scientific backing on my next point.

1) I overloaded on fats in the evening, therefore
2) I get a lousy night of sleep, and am now tired, and will remain tired throughout the day.

Any citations on this subject would be greatly appreciated.

Maybe if I set goals for myself today...Yesterday, upon some calorie count site browsing, I found (with my specifications) that in order to lose 1-2 lbs per week, my caloric intake should be no more that 1,314 per day.

Last night, I'm pretty sure I went about 500 over that. The shame is overwhelming, and no where near the worth of those creamy mashed potatoes.

Did I mention that I treated myself to one of those evil Little Debbie's Chocolate Christmas Tree cakes? After the aforementioned potatoes?  The only thing that is assuaging my guilt is knowing that I can do better today.

I will do better today.

Starting...now. I'm off. About to guzzle down a bottled water and a 130 calorie bowl of instant oatmeal.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day 2...9:00 and all is well...

After my burrito and giant pepsi yesterday afternoon, I opted to skip dinner for a couple of reasons:

1) I have no idea what the calorie count is for one burrito supreme and a giant pepsi with no ice, but I'm sure its a bit more than my required daily caloric intake.

2) I was invited over to Bailey's for a lovely jewelry party, and I wanted to keep my stomach free from dinner so I for sure wouldn't over-eat.

As I'm walking out the door at 6:00 to go to the party, Daniel asks me to run to the store to get a couple things for him and Brennan to eat for dinner...walking through the store, I completely forget about my new blog, life change, whatever, and grab a box of Little Debbie's Chocolate Christmas Tree cakes...for Brennan.

As I'm checking out, I notice to the right of me that Hershey's plain milk chocolate bars are going 2 for $1. Again, without really thinking or remembering my new blog and life change, I grab two. One for me and one for Bailey, I think without a second thought.

I drop off the groceries and begin my trek to Bailey's, mindlessly gobbling the chocolate bar, again, without a second thought. Without any thought, actually. I was very animal with that Hershey's. Kind of like a squirrel with the last nut of the season.

To sum up, Bailey's party was fantastic. I loaded up on Sun Chips with Hummus(which I've heard counts as a vegetable), fresh pineapple, and one chocolate cookie. No pop. No sweet drink.

Breakfast this morning consisted of two boiled eggs (need my protein!) and, in a short while, a nice hot cup of orange tea, no sugar added.

To break myself of my pop addiction,I need to force myself to drink bottled water. Its a struggle. But I'm aiming to down four of those bad boys today.

9:00 on Day 2, and I'm sticking to my life change so far. Day 2 is always so easy.

Monday, December 13, 2010

And so it begins...again...

I'll begin by explaining how this whole thing got started:

Monday, December 13th, 2010.

I gently wake myself and push my eyes to focus. The clock by the tv in our bedroom is reading 8:07. I roll my eyes and sink myself back into my pillow. I hate Mondays.

I finally roll myself out of bed, kicking blankets off and rolling little Brennan to one side.

I stagger to the bathroom, only to realize my throat is hurting. To my disdain, I can't will the thermometer to go past 98.5, so I grudgingly get ready for work.

This is where my life has taken me. Or maybe I never cared for making myself pretty when I'm tired. At any rate, I'm stumbling down the street to the church where I work, wearing a wrinkled button-up shirt, some kind of thicker-material skirt that goes past my knees, and my black boots. Most of this is hidden by my long, brown wool pea-coat. My hair is disheveled, and I barely remembered to brush my teeth, let alone worry about washing my face. I did manage to put some chap stick on. Maybe not all is lost.

I work for a few hours before Daniel calls me to let me know he's outside in the truck, ready to run some lunchtime errands. This is his day off. Lucky jerk.

We run our errands, listen to Brennan giggle and chatter in the backseat, then bicker over what to do about lunch. We're currently broke, so any excessive eating out is out of the question. The idea of cooking for himself and Brennan is not appealing to Daniel, so we finally settle on Taco Bell.

I'm super thirsty, so I order a large, diabetes-inducing drink and a Burrito Supreme. Daniel drops me off, and I get back to work for a few minutes before an article on a news site catches my eye. "Thick around the waist?" Yess...? "Learn how to lose those extra inches" Oh boy.

Upon reading the article, I found out a couple things:

1) The average person takes in an average of 450 calories in sweet drinks PER DAY. That adds up to around 3000 calories per week.

2) It takes 3500 calories to make a pound of fat.

I look at the article sitting comfortably inside my computer screen, then I glance over at my now-empty large drink.

Then it gets depressing. I start thinking about my past few meals, snacks, more drinks. It doesn't look good for me.

Breakfast this morning: 1 glass Orange Juice
                                    Plate full of Tator Tots

Dinner last night:           3 slices of pizza
                                   3 Buffalo wings
                                  2-3 Cinnamon Sticks
                                   2-3 glasses of Pepsi

Lunch yesterday:          2 Manwich Sandwiches
                                  2 handfuls of tortilla chips w/ salsa&cream cheese dipping sauce
                                   2 handfuls of ruffled potato chips(to scoop up the manwich)
                                 1 can of diet root beer

Breakfast yesterday:    1 Holy Rollie (dinner roll cut open like a bread bowl and filled with eggs and nacho cheese)
                                 1 Serving Tator Tots
                                 1 8oz glass Orange Juice

Looking at this menu of just the last 36 hours scares me to death. So I decided today, after reading this article, that its past time to make a change.

First, I slapped into my phone calendar that for the next two weeks, I'm going to give up sugared drinks to start.

In two weeks, I'll start taking walks around the church. Since its freezing, I'll literally just do laps from my office, down the stairs, back up the basement hall, down more stairs, through the youth room, up the stairs into the kitchen, through the fellowship hall, up the stairs, through the choir room, down the hall, and into my office. I might do 2-4 laps depending on my disposition that day. After that, who knows? I definitely need to be going back to my Zumba classes.

And now to the grand end of my first blog post on this journey? Statistics! This is the part of my blog where I will be monitoring my weight loss, waist size, and energy levels. Because it does make sense. You are what you eat. I've been eating crap, therefore I feel like crap most of the time. It didn't dawn on my until recently that whenever someone asks me how I'm doing, my automatic response is "I'm ok. Tired, but ok."

Day 1 -
Weight: No Idea, need to buy a scale..probably 150lbs.
Waist: No idea, need to buy measuring tape, but right now, am a size 10-12.
Energy Level: I could use a nap.

Talk to you soon!